speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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