i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
