just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
