i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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