Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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