Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize