I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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