we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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