3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
