I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
