If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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