You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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