let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
