Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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