You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
