Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
