I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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