You just made me feel so damn special
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
