Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
