i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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