Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My dick has a subreddit
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
