Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
