a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
