Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
