Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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