Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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