Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
