And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
