Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
