last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
