I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
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I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
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She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize