Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
