Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
