Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
