I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
