My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
