i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
