I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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