We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
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After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
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Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize