Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
