I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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