I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
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We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
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I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize