do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
