Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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