You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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