Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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