If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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