I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
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My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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