Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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