if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
