I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
