worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
