everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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