she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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