Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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