and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
