how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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