I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
