I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
