The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
