Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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