Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
