Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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