gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
