Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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