I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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