It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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