now i know why i became what i already was.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
