Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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