ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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