I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
